Thursday, December 20, 2012

Adler: "Blown Away" House Of Blues Hollywood, CA December...

Adler: "Blown Away" House Of Blues Hollywood, CA December...: Here is a video of the band performing "Blown Away" at House Of Blues in Hollywood, CA Monday December 17th.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I am wide awake at 3 A.M. I wonder how many other people tonight are lonely and scared like me. I just had a thought that maybe I am meant to be alone. I know I am in no shape to be in a relationship.....maybe I should just accept that being alone is how I am supposed to be. I wish I could slip into a coma and when I woke up in a year or two my heart would be magically healed. I can dream......

Friday, December 7, 2012

It's almost Christmas, Mama. How are you doing? I hope you are happy and carefree. Things down here are different without you. Christmas Eve isn't going to be quite the same without you. I will miss your laughter and the look on your face opening gifts. I will miss the stories we all sat around telling because you won't be there to share one we have all forgotten. I miss you so much, Mama; we all do. If you and Dad aren't too busy being with the LORD on Christmas, do you think you could come visit us and let us feel your warmth and love?

Saturday, October 27, 2012

It's hard not to feel like trash when you keep being thrown away.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Crying myself to sleep tonight because the loneliness is unbearable.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Who Is It?

"And It Doesn't Seem To Matter And It Doesn't Seem Right 'Cause The Will Has Brought No Fortune Still I Cry Alone At Night Don't You Judge Of My Composure 'Cause I'm Bothered Everyday And She Didn't Leave A Letter She Just Up And Ran Away" -Lyrics by M. Jackson

Friday, April 27, 2012

Tattoo Idea

This is BEAUTIFUL. It is not mine, but I would love to have this tattooed on me.


I have been going through a lot of changes lately. I lost my mother after a long illness. I have a huge hole in my heart and I am not sure what to do with my life right now. I lost my home because I couldn't pay the rent without a mother was my job. I had to give up my dog and that really hurt, but I understood why-I couldn't afford the pet deposit anyways. A friend of mine came down from 10 hours away to take care of me for a week after my Mama passed away. I was then hurt by this person; I have been through a lot. I have a lot of things going on right now and all I am really trying to do is make it through one day at a time. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. I need to try and find a job, so I have been working pretty hard on that for the last few days. I realize everyone has their own burdens to bare, so I try not to be a bother with my problems to other people. I am dealing with all of this as best I can; I realize my troubles are not as bad as others. What I am going through is relevant, however. I matter, and my feelings matter. I just need to figure out what I want to do with myself. I am not trying to find anyone or date anyone; I have some things I personally need to work on before I try to date again. I would talk about my feelings more here but I just feel like it doesn't matter.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


If my eyes are the windows to my soul,
I want to bare them to you
so you can see deep inside
Know that I have nothing to hide, no malicious intent
when it comes to you
So we can continue to connect
Because even in my Soul I know
I need you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

We Won't Remember Everything

There's many memories we will have
of our time together
Laughs and experiences we've shared
Times that were emotionally difficult
and times filled with great joy
But there are things we won't remember
We won't remember all of the doctor's appointments
We won't remember all of the hours of dialysis
We won't remember all of the times they stuck you at the hospital
trying to get blood from tired, shy veins
We won't remember how many hospital ER visits there were
or endless consultations with ER doctors
We won't remember how many pills you had to take
each day just to survive
BUT we will ALWAYS remember your smile
And how your voice sounded when you called our names
or told us that you loved us
We'll remember the lessons you taught us
trying to mold us into strong men and women
We'll remember how glad you were to be at home
Knowing we would honor your wishes
and cherish your last days with us
We'll remember being by your side, caring for you
and watching over you when the LORD came for you.
There are things we won't remember, Mama
but your Example and your Love
We definitely will.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

We Weren't Given Manuals

We are all born naked,cold, and oftentimes alone in this world. Sometimes we have families that attempt to nurture and protect us, and sometimes we only have whoever will take care of us for the moment. I truly believe that my parents did the best they could to prepare me for this life, but some things you have to learn and deal with on your own. No one has all of the answers; and not all answers work for everyone. It took a long time and a lot of patience for me to come out of my depression after my father passed away; I had the love of what I thought was a good woman and family support. When that relationship ended I felt dead inside and betrayed; betrayed not only by her but also by our so called friends who knew what was going on but didn't bother to tell me.

No one knows how long these hurts take to heal. There isn't always a straight answer for why bad things happen to good people. As humans we like to think we are the most intelligent creatures on the planet, but oftentimes we have to make the same mistake a few times in order to learn from it. We have to remember that hindsight is 20/20 for a reason; because we can sit and look back at a situation removed from the feelings or pressure we face at the time of the situation we are now mulling over.

It hurts when people we love lie to us. It hurts worse when they turn out to be someone or something totally different from what we thought they were. But we have to cut ourselves some slack' we are only human. We have wants, needs, fears, and insecurities. We have to go through life and face situations we were not trained for. We rely on our instincts and sometimes they are wrong. All of our experiences make us who we are; sometimes the journey to get there is paved with many successes,and sometimes there are a lot of broken promises and painful memories mixed in with it.

We weren't given manuals on how to fix broken people. Nothing was handed out during high school to help you understand that heartache takes a huge toll on your body as well as your spirit. The world is full of evils that our parents never had to face. We are all just human and we have to learn and adapt in order to not just survive, but to live. Give yourself some credit for making it this far. Then Give yourself some time to heal. In time you will, and be a better person for it. I have faith.

******PS: Even if we were given manuals, how many men would have read it?